Dropping The Soap
by Dolium-Praedonum
Summary: Stan and Kyle learn what it means to drop the soap. A hilarious Style, PG-13 for adult situations. REVISED 2013! Now with Epilogue and 20% more shower.


(I do not claim to own Chuck and Larry, _I'm Every Woman_, Showers, Old Spice, Irish Springs, Bologna, _Jessie's Girl_, South Park, or Shower Sex. However, I do condone them all.)

WARNING: Shower scenes and smutty intent.

* * *

As evening crept upon the quite mountain town of South Park, Colorado, four teenagers sat in the glow of a television owned by one Stanley Marsh. Having retreated into the house after a rigorous game of street-hockey, the boys were watching a movie before it was time to return to their respective abodes. The movie in question? _I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry_.

"Ewww, he dropped the soap!" Cartman exclaimed when the scrawny fireman's means of cleanliness slipped from his grasp. Stan and Kenny ignored him, but Kyle gave him a puzzled glance.

"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked.

"When you drop the soap in prison at the open showers and stuff, you get _plundered_ by the _buttpirates_!" Cartman informed him with swashbuckling enthusiasm, followed by a grimace at his irrepressible enthusiasm for piracy of _any_kind. He would have rather kept that a secret.

"Butt-pirates? Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?"

While Kenny snickered at his friend's naivety, Stan merely rolled his eyes and continued to watch as the recently out-ed black man entered the scene, singing a song Stan was mildly horrified to know the words to. '_Anything you want done baby, I'll do it naturally...'_

Cartman looked over at Kyle, just as amused as Kenny. "You know, 'annalriffic'. Assbandits. Sodomizing. Fudge packing. 'Going through the backdoor'."

"I still have no idea what you're talking about." Kyle frowned, put out.

"I'm talking about..." The chubby one did a quick scan of the room to confirm the lack of parental figures within earshot before leaning in and whispering, "_Buttsex_."

Kyle gaped. "You're full of shit, Cartman."

"No, dude, I'm totally serious!" He said, pleased with himself at having caused such displeasure.

Kyle turned to Kenny for support, "He's not, is he?"

But Kenny just snickered some more. "Yeah man."

"Sick, dude!" Kyle made a face.

"Okay, lets just watch the movie." Stan cut in before the conversation could progress.

All too soon, the movie was over and Cartman and Kenny were walking out the door.

"Hey Stan, I'm gonna use your shower," Kyle shouted from the stairs.

"Don't drop the soap!" Cartman called over his shoulder, causing Kenny to burst into a fit of laughter from beneath his parka.

Kyle glared at their retreating backs as Stan closed the door.

* * *

Sliding back the shower curtain, Kyle pulled the nozzle out and turned in a ninety degree angle, slowly tugging it upwards till the fingers he's held into the spray signaled it was at the right temperature. He hastily pulled off his clothes and stepped into the pleasantly steamy shower. Back facing the stream, he breathed in deep as the water drizzled onto his short curls, the weight pulling them down just past his ears. Over the years, the startling 'frow he sported as a child had fizzled out into the kinky red curls that complimented his maturing features. A high metabolism had blessed him with a toned stomach, and high school sports teams granted him lean, slender muscles. Looking into mirrors and comparing himself with the huge football players in the locker room, he figured he could use more bulk. But truth be told, he was an attractive young man, something that didn't escape the notice of the local girls.

Kyle scanned the clusters of shampoos, soaps, shaving creams and conditioners, selecting the Old Spice. He smiled, reminded of the insane commercials of the chiseled black man talking about mustaches and riding horses without a shirt on. Then, uncomfortable that the hyperbolic advertisements actually succeeded in swaying his selection of body wash, he put it down for some shampoo. He splattered a good amount into his palm and began massaging his scalp with his fingertips. He sighed with content into the steamy air as he felt the suds dribble off the ends of his hair onto his shoulders, and down the length of his back.

He rinsed out the shampoo and opted for a bar of Irish Springs. He wet the soap and began scrubbing his arms and shoulders. As he glided the suds over his chest, he heard the distinctive _click_ of the bathroom door. Kyle paused in his showering and stuck his head around the curtain to investigate.

"...Stan?"

His companion was stood dumbly in the middle of the bathroom, barefoot and shirtless, unbuckling his belt. His exposed neck and arms wore a farmer's tan of a sticky-looking, brownish substance that also clung to his pants. Stan looked up, "Hey, Kyle."

Kyle frowned. "Dude, I'm taking a shower, what the hell are you doing in here?"

Stan grimaced. "Getting in."

Kyle's eyes widened, "No you're not!"

He glowered. "Yes, I am. I was outside trying to move the bag of moldy leaves I cleaned out of the gutter yesterday, and the bag broke over my shoulder. Its disgusting and I smell like shit. I'm getting in that shower." His pants fell to his ankles, and he stepped out of them. "Besides, it's not like we've never showered together before. Its not gonna be weird or something."

"Dude! It's totally gonna be weird! That was a huge shower room, this is one tiny bathroom."

Stan ignored his outraged friend and began pulling down his boxers. Kyle quickly turned away, obviously not going to win the right to a private shower and not caring to watch Stan take off his boxers. He felt blood rush to his cheeks in a most unpleasant manner at the sound of his friend's underwear rustling to the ground.

Kyle stepped toward the shower head, eyes staring down the drain. He heard the shower curtain open, and close behind him as two feet thunk-ed onto the acrylic tub floor.

"Kyle, quite grumbling."

"Well _excuse me_ if I was enjoying my shower ALONE."

Stan rolled his eyes. "Relax, dude. Want me to wash your back?" He said with a cheeky grin.

Kyle shot him a scowl in response.

"Come on, don't be like that. It's not like you were jerking it or something."

"DUDE!" Kyle spun around.

Stan smiled sheepishly at his friend's outrage, "It was a joke."

Kyle glared. "Don't make this any weirder than it already is."

Stan shrugged. "I really don't think it's that weird dude. And it's not like you're a macho, hyper masculine dude that can't be seen doing anything that might look gay. What the problem?"

"Your naked dick is _6 inches_ away from my naked dick, that's my problem," Kyle deadpanned.

Stan's eyes went wide and he coughed. "Well..when you put it like that, yeah..that's pretty weird."

Having made his point, Kyle returned to showering and facing away from his friend. Stan was correct; this certainly wasn't their first shower together. They'd been in communal showers from their Lil' Crime Stoppers days to the high school track team. But today there was a distinctly awkward air to what they were doing, something that had never been there before. Before, when there were always others in the room. Witnesses that could confirm the innocence of the act. Now they were alone, and even if nothing _happened _(not that there was anything _to_happen), it was their word against the minds of their pervy friends. He decided _no one_ was going to know about this. He groaned inwardly; somehow, that made it worse.

Kyle dipped his head slightly, allowing water to splash past him onto Stan.

"Thanks," Stan said as he wet his hair.

Kyle sniffed. "Dude, you really do stink."

"Duh!" Stan lathered his hair with shampoo. "So, did you hear the rumor that Bebe likes you?"

Kyle scoffed. "Yeah, right. Even if she did, it's not like anything is gonna happen."

"Why not, dude? She's pretty. Her boobs came back and everything."

"Eh. She's just not my type." Kyle scratched his neck absentmindedly. "Kinda gossipy and she follows all those weird trends. I feel like if enough people take up this Jersey Shore fad, she's going to go flat out Snooky on us. Can you picture it? Its terrifying. I'm not going down that road."

Stan laughed out loud at the image, "Yeah, I can see that. But then again, there is something wrong with any girl if she likes _you_." Without turning his head, Kyle punched Stan in the arm, who chuckled. "Seriously though, you find something wrong with every girl. Whats up with that? Please tell me you're not 'holding out for a nice Jewish girl' like your mom wants you to."

"No man, nothing like that. I just haven't seen anything interesting, that's all."

Stan paused, a thought occurring. "Kyle, have you ever even kissed a girl?"

"Yeah, kind of. Actually, none that really counted. No, I guess."

Silence.

"Dude, you've NEVER been kissed! That's just sad!"

Kyle rolled his eyes, "Oh what the hell ever, you've barely kissed Wendy, and that was back when we were all kids. Remember when you puked every time she said one word to you?"

"Hey! I could have made out with tons of chicks since then!"

"Yeah, but you haven't."

"And how do you know?"

"Well, have you?" Kyle asked evenly.

Stan looked down in embarrassment and went back to conditioning his hair, "Well, I mean, not _tons_ of people, but I've kissed girls before! Its, ah...nice. "

Silence fell between the two, Stan feeling incredibly awkward as his mind continued on the tangent of sucking face. Why did he have to bring up kissing when they were alone in a shower together? It didn't bode well with him.

The quiet lingered for a few moments longer before Kyle spoke. "Hey Stan?"

"Yeah?" Stan resumed scrubbing his underarm, attempting to act as though he hadn't just been having thoughts that are totally not ok to have when you're naked standing next to your _also naked_ best friend.

"What's being kissed like? I mean, I've seen it enough, people making out in the halls at school or whatever, and it looks so weird. And sloppy! Whats so great about it?" He asked, not realizing the danger of the topic.

Stanley had difficulty swallowing his own saliva. "Um...I dunno, its kind of hard to explain. I mean, I just don't think I have the right words for it. It's the kinda thing you have to sho-" Stan cut himself off mid sentence as his face instantly burned at the accompanying thought.

Kyle turned to face his friend in light of the silence. "The kinda thing you what?"

As his friend turned to face him, an odd desire crept over Stan. What would it be like to kiss Kyle? He hadn't ever thought of his childhood friend like that before, but then again, they were no longer children. The rounded, chubby cheeks of his youth had given way to a smooth, slender face and a strong jaw line. His deeply red hair, wet and matted to his face amplified the pink glow that had risen to his cheeks from the heat of the shower. His eyes were glazed from the steam and his lips looked soft and full. 'What would it be like, to kiss them? Would it be different than a girl?' Stan didn't dare to venture his gaze below the prominent collar bones of the other boy.

Stan was pulled from his reevaluation by the reality of the situation. Kyle had become so..._handsome_, and Stan was finding himself attracted. There was a moment where everything in his vision appeared to slow, as the two ways this could end entered the boy's mind.

"Stan?" Kyle called, raising a questioning eyebrow.

Stan looked at him cautiously. "You really want to know what kissing is like?"

Kyle shrugged at his friend. "Well, yeah dude."

In a boldly decisive move, Stan leaned forward and swiftly pressed his lips to Kyle's. He froze as Stan held his arm to brace himself, moving his lips gently for a moment before pulling away as quickly as he had come.

"Stan..." Kyle managed from a surprised stupor. He covered his mouth with his hand and stood still.

"Ah, um," Stan faltered, finally letting go of Kyle's forearm, "I'm sorry, that wasn't...it was a joke, I didn't mean to…shit, I'm so sorry," He was met with silence. "..Kyle?"

"Stan..that was...I mean, I didn't know you...ah, felt that way?"

Stan felt a pang of anxiety rush from his chest to his stomach and he looked away from his friend. "Was it...did you...like it?"

Kyle touched his lips gently as he considered honestly.

Stan braced for the worst, heart pounding painfully in his throat.

"...Yeah."

Stan blinked and turned his face up to meet Kyle's, "Wait, what? I-"

Stan was cut off once more as this time Kyle initiated a kiss. It was gentle, but longer. There was a hint of passionate, teenage hunger. It felt..._good_. It felt good to be kissing Stan. But he wanted more, he wanted to be closer. Something was urging him to push his bare body against Stan's.

The boys pulled their faces apart, breathless and flushed from the hot water and nervous excitement. Kyle stared, unable to coherently process that his first kiss was a naked make out session with his best friend that left him partially aroused down south. A quick glance down to Stan's exposed 'self' also demonstrated his enjoyment, and Kyle's heart fluttered down through his stomach all the way to his knees. He looked back up to Stan's lust glazed eyes, and the two hormone driven boys remained where they stood, fighting to determine if the next step was something they wanted, and if it wasn't, if was it something they could even avoid.

"S-Stan?" Kyle panted softly.

"Kyle?" Stan breathed.

"Is..is this what you want?"

Stan licked his lips. He wasn't sure what would happen afterwards, or what exactly Kyle meant, but something told him that he definitely wanted it. Whatever it was. "Yeah…I want this."

Throwing resolution away, Stan let out a groan and pounced Kyle again. This time, their bodies pressed up against each other, and burned with desire. It was far different than anything the two boys had shared together. Sure, they'd had their bodies pressed together before, when they'd hugged, or when they wrestled...but never naked, never wet and _never_aroused.

Stan nipped and sucked at Kyle's bottom lip, and the redhead gasped slightly with the pleasure of the new experience. He angled his mouth downward to meet the others and parted his lips, their tongues sliding agonizingly slowly against each other. Together they moaned, craving more, faster, deeper.

Kyle's arms closed around Stan, pulling him in tightly. The bar of Irish Springs Kyle had long forgotten slipped from his grasp and trailed down Stan's back. Such a small sensation went unnoticed by the teen, who was busy getting his sensory fill of more important things. The soap was picked up by the water trailing down the tub and dodged large, stumbling feet till it came to pool at the drain. It danced circles over the opening, spinning wildly in the constant rush of water, far too large to make it through the small holes.

Long after the shower had been left, and the two boys had hastily fallen into a bed, it remained there; a quiet reminder of what happens when the soap is dropped.

* * *

Epilogue:

"_My bologna has a first name is R-A-N-D-Y, my bologna has a second name its R-A-N-D-Y_," The middle aged man sang over the sound of the running shower as he unbuttoned his pants.

"No wait," He muttered to himself, "That's my _bathtub_ song, what is it that I sing in the shower?" He stood naked in all his aged, hairy, glory, and pondered.

The song hit him like a lightening bolt and he snapped his fingers, "Oh yeah!"

He smoothly raised an eyebrow and gazed at the shower through half lidded eyes as he sauntered over to it. As soon as the water touched his skin, he began to sing in a deep, sultry voice. "_Jessie is a friend,_

_Yeah I know he been a good friend of mine_

_But lately something's changed_

_It ain't hard to define,"_

Randy clicked open his bottle of old spice. _"Jessie's got himself a girl_

_And I want to make her mine_

He rubbed the liquid over his chest, wiggling his shoulders from side to side with his singing. "_And she's watching him with those eyes_

_And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it!_

_And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night_" He abandoned washing to dramatically sing into the container of Old Spice. Also abandoned was the throaty voice he'd been using. Abandoned for an alarmingly _loud, _particularly _atrocious_ falsetto, "_You know I wish that I had Jessie's girl!_

_I wish that I had Jessie's girl!_

_Where can I find her, a woman like that?_"

"Right over here, big boy."

Randy turned to face his wife, "Hey Sharon, you, uh, want a little lovin?" He asked with a cocky nod of his head.

Sharon chuckled seductively, "You know it!" She climbed into the shower with her husband, winkling her nose upon seeing what he held, "Isn't that Stanley's Old Spice?"

Randy held the bottle protectively. "No Sharon, its mine! I wanna be like the guy on the commercials!"

With a roll of her eyes, Sharon sighed, not bothering to explain to a grown man the manipulations of the commercial industry. But something distracting caught her eye, and she began to chuckle once more.

Randy looked back at her, "What? Whats so funny?"

"Looks like _somebody_ dropped the soap," She said with a wink.

Randy looked to the drain where, indeed, a bar of Irish Springs lay on the drain.

Sharon's gaze turned predatory. "You know what happens when you drop the soap, Randy."

Randy grinned and kissed his wife passionately. "Boy, do I."

* * *

A/N: Revised! Finally. I was so anxious to get this out that I didn't spend a lot of time in the revision process. Well, with a lul in my life in general now is the perfect time! I also added a slice of marital bliss ;D

I'd had this thought in my head for a long time, I thought it would be something fun to write and for people to read. This was the PG-13 version, I intend to someday write a smuttier version of this and post it on an appropriate website (y-gallery or AFF, where you must be 18 to view). Thanks for reading! It is much appreciated!


End file.
